


My Dearest, Alexander

by rooftopkisses



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Drabble, Email Drafts, Emails, Emails Henry never sent to Alex, Fluff and Angst, Henry's deep in love what can i say, M/M, Romantic Fluff, also YES the title is referencing Hamilton, during the ghosting periods of the books, henry's pov, i wrote this for myself cos i couldnt get it out of my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23481013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rooftopkisses/pseuds/rooftopkisses
Summary: Henry ghosted Alex twice in the books. Once after New Years, Once after the Lake House. This is what he wanted to say during those periods, but never did.Alternatively: Three emails Henry drafted to Alex, but never sent.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 21
Kudos: 155





	My Dearest, Alexander

**Author's Note:**

> if this is bad and has no substance then that's on me but basically i read these books just last night and couldn't stop thinking about it!!! wrote this the next morning haha
> 
> i couldn't get over the fact the public was able to read their emails. and i also couldnt help but think what henry was feeling/thinking during the month between the lake house and alex showing up after finding the note.
> 
> This is that! Please leave a kudo and comment if you enjoyed! Or if you felt pain akfdfjsdkf these are angsty poor henry

“There you are, an ocean away, do you have to live an ocean away? Thoughts of you subside then, I get another letter, and I cannot put the notion away…”

\--------

HENRY HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM 1/3/20  
TO A [Draft]

Alex,

Hello. I got your email address from Shaan, I hope that’s okay. Can I start off by saying I’m sorry? Because I am. Sorry that I kissed you, Sorry that I left without saying a word. Sorry that I haven’t responded to your texts.

I’m sorry that I’m _not_ sorry that I kissed you. How can I regret a kiss like that? I hadn’t meant for it to happen, I’m afraid seeing you with Nora simply got the best of me. I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, I just never thought I would. Kissing you was like a taste of freedom on my tongue. Something I longed for even whilst it was happening. Something I long to do again.

When you text me, I feel two distinct feelings at opposite ends of the spectrum. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I feel _hope_ , hope that it’s your name that I’ll see on my screen. _First Son Alex Claremont-Diaz._ When it is from you, I have to close my eyes and I exhale so deeply I think I might melt into my chest.

Then instantly, I feel like shit. I feel like shit because I’m so happy that you texted me, so anxious to read what you’ve written, even though before the message came through I knew I wasn’t going to respond. That I couldn’t. What can I say, I’m a selfish son of a bitch. It’s been three days, and today was the first day without a single text. This is probably a sign that you're done with me, and rightfully so. I should feel glad that I no longer have to wonder what could have been, what _we_ could have been. I cannot be loyal to the crown and to my family by continuing this (if you would even want that) but I _miss you_. I miss you in the same gravity that I miss my Father, yet I will never see him again and I shall see you next week.

But it won't be the same, will it? I hope things aren’t too awkward between us. I hope you don’t hate me too much.

Regards,  
His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales

\--------

HENRY HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM 8/24/20  
TO A [Draft]

Alex,

Please tell your Dad it was nice to meet him. I want to thank you for the trip, it was lovely. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but it had to be done. Consider this goodbye. It was amazing whilst it lasted x

Regards,  
Henry

\--------

HENRY HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM 9/18/20  
TO A [Draft]

Alex,

Never once in my wildest of dreams did I dream you felt the same way for me that I do about you.

In fact, I banked on you never feeling these things. This, er, _arrangement_ we have only works because some day it can end. We will go our separate ways; me continuing the legacy of the throne and becoming the husband I was always meant to be. You, spending another 4 years at the White House before going on to be a politician in your own right.

Remember when I told you I had wanted you from the day we first met? I fear it was worse than that; I have _loved_ you since the first day we met. I was in love with you at first glance, and I still am. _In love with you,_ I mean. I couldn’t let you say it at the lake. And I wouldn’t dream of ever saying it to you aloud. Part of me wonders why I’m writing this email, if I know I’m not going to send it. It seems to have become a habit of mine, in these “ghosting” periods as you call them. The first ghosting only lasted a week. It’s already been three weeks and knowing there will never be an end to this, never an end to me loving you, never an end to me missing you, hurts. It’s a kind of pain I’ve never known, different from that of my father.

I hope you will forgive me for dragging you into something that could have been avoided altogether if I hadn’t acted on my feelings. If I hadn’t assumed I was someone you could never love.

My Dearest, Alexander, I will never stop loving you. I will watch proudly as you become the youngest member sworn in to Congress. I’ll feel nothing but happiness for the woman you find. I will watch your life, from across the pond, and hopefully as time goes on I will stop missing you so much.

Yours,  
Henry x


End file.
